Chinese Whispers

do you want to know a secret?

One of Hannah’s friends has been dispersing little nuggets of wisdom which I thought I would share with you.

But do bear in mind that these words of advice have been filtered by the brains and mouths of two six-year olds, so there’s double the room for error.
First, from the original information.
Second, from Hannah’s Chinese Whispers reporting style.

But here goes anyway.

tomatoes stop you getting cancer

An obvious ploy by the parents to get their child to eat them.
Hannah was having none of it.
Mind you, I say the same thing about broccoli.

bullies don’t have to be fat, they can be thin too

How true.
In my experience, the fatter the child the more likely s/he is to be on the other end of the bullying spectrum.

chocolate makes you fat

Also true, but I perfer to bang on about healthy eating rather than fat -v- thin, for fear of possible future teenaged body-shape traumas

she says when I’m older I’m going to be this fat

Hm, it seems to me that this friend is over-concerned about body-size.
I resolve to focus even more strongly on health and not shape.

she says my new glasses don’t suit me

Frantic denial and pooh-poohing ensues here, with enforced back-up from big brother Ben, who later demands a reward for his efforts.

metres are bigger than miles

I have some sympathy with this misconception, as how on earth are today’s children going to know how long a mile is when they’re taught only the metric system, and know nothing of yards, which are the building blocks of miles?

Mike and I do our best to confuse our two by talking to them in inches, yards and furlongs, while simultaneously going cross-eyed when they ask us to estimate distances in metres.

In case you’re young, I may need to tell you that 1760 yards = 1 mile.

About Beta Mum

Here you can find the ramblings of a trapeze artist turned journalist who ran away from the circus to join the BBC. Cathy "mine's a Kir Royale" Keir then spent thirteen years working in Jersey, Guernsey and Devon, before downgrading to what you see before you. She has contributed articles to The Guardian, The Stage and Television Today, Junior Magazine and both the BBC and Bad Mothers Club websites. She has two children who think women can’t be prime ministers. She blames herself.
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5 Responses to Chinese Whispers

  1. mid-lifer says:

    I’d like to say something witty, pithy or even add my own examples, but as I have just consumed a barrel-load of wine (and only in response to the first sign of stress) I’ll just say awwwwwwwwww, that’s soo cute!…but what’s all this about being fat??

  2. And how many furlongs?

    The one I like is that the darker the fruit (vegetable?) the better it is for you. Blackberries over melon anyday.

  3. lady macleod says:

    I LOVE the photograph! That’s one of our jobs as parents eh? to fill in the blanks left by school. At my daughter’s school the teacher spent TWENTY MINUTES on world religions. My daughter said, “Would you like my mother to come in and speak? She will and she knows a lot about this.”

    “Oh no dear, thank you, but we’re all done.”

    Yikes! That paired with her statement, “You know mum teachers don’t like it when you ask them questions they don’t know the answers to.” had me deeply involved in her studies from that point.

  4. Beta Mum says:

    mid – “fat” is not a word I generally use, but the children have picked it up elsewhere. They generally use it to describe my stomach, but as I say to them – it’s not a bad stomach for a woman of my age!

    SAHD – I must get Mike to read your blog as he’ll shortly be a SAHD. I think he’s looking forward to it, but is also feeling fear and trepidation. As both our children are at school, it’s hardly as onerous as your task.

    Lady – I’m always asking teachers things they can’t answer – keeps them on their toes. I also like to put comments on any homework with unintelligible instructions. I’m probably a real pain to have as a parent.

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