Haircuts hardly happen

time for a new hair-do?

When is it time for a hair-do?

When you can tuck your former fringe behind your ears?

When you have to wash your hair every single day just to make it look half-way decent?
(I apologise to all those people, primarily Americans in my experience, who always wash their hair every day, but I find the concept an alien and unnecessary one)

Or is it when a few amusing “oh aren’t I getting old, tra la” grey hairs mysteriously manage to hook up together to make an entire grey section of traitorous tresses, lurking above your not-yet-frozen-by-Botox face like a foretaste of the grim reaper?

Apologies for the Cold Comfort Farm moment, but it is a traumatic time when your hair starts to let you down after a lifetime of reliable, sometimes even honourable, service.

My time seems to have come.
I need a branchage.
But when can a FTWM snatch the time away from her Mummy-starved cherubs who spend all weekend trailing round after her, whining –
“Why do you have to work so much Mummy?”

Well it’s not that bad, but it is a problem.

I used to get my hair cut when they were at school.

Now I can either get it done on a Saturday, which is sacrosanct Time With the Children.

Or I can take a long lunch break from work, which means I have to stay late which means I don’t get home in time for the sacrosanct Tea With the Children.

So getting my hair cut (and the grey chunk zapped by dangerous chemicals) is the emotional equivalent of telling my children I neither care about them nor want to spend time with them.

Isn’t it?

If I can’t persuade a hairdresser to open after 8pm, when the children are in bed, I will either have to get Blog Fodder to do it, and I think you’ll agree he doesn’t look up to the job, or learn to love an increasingly straggly topping.

If I went for something like this –

the short option

I may get away with going just once a year.

Or if I chose this kind of statement –

chess, anyone?

I wouldn’t need to worry about the children as they’d never speak to me again.

It’s a conundrum wrapped inside a puzzle, masquerading as a “Why the hell don’t you just do it?” question.

About Beta Mum

Here you can find the ramblings of a trapeze artist turned journalist who ran away from the circus to join the BBC. Cathy "mine's a Kir Royale" Keir then spent thirteen years working in Jersey, Guernsey and Devon, before downgrading to what you see before you. She has contributed articles to The Guardian, The Stage and Television Today, Junior Magazine and both the BBC and Bad Mothers Club websites. She has two children who think women can’t be prime ministers. She blames herself.
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8 Responses to Haircuts hardly happen

  1. gillie says:

    IME even if you do have the time off (which working part time – hah now there’s a joke) technically I do, spending it on oneself rather than on the washing/house/at the vets/cooking/doing the paperwork etc etc also implies a failure to show proper reverence to the family.

    You need the Twilight Hair Salon of Meadowfield. Open from 8pm-10pm so that the owner can spend time with her kids and family and then get out for some light relief (cutting other people’s hair) when the sprogs are safely tucked up in bed! Sadly it’s probably too far away for you, but perhaps the idea could travel?

  2. Mya says:

    What about one of those mobile hairdressers? They can come and visit you at home. The kids can watch (point and laugh) and it can become an enjoyable, educational, bonding experience. Or buy a wig?

    Mya x

  3. Jen says:

    If you find a REALLY mobile hairdresser, she could literally follow you around the house, snipping and chopping as you go about your culinary and child-rearing duties?

  4. I like the checkerboard look.

    I think you are right. The kids would give you way more free time. They might also behave in public so you wouldn’t yell at them and draw attention to the fact that you were related.

  5. missy says:

    Great post. I recently saw a bloke with stars shaved in his head. EW!
    Just found your blog and its great, will be back to read again from Missy

  6. Beta Mum says:

    gillie – the twilight salon sounds a wonderful idea, and i’m sure with such a high percentage of both parents working full time here, it would be a real money spinner. But even my children don’t let me cut their hair.

    mya – i’m afraid, for me, mobile hairdressers smack of shampoo and set, and I’m not quite ready for that yet. Am i being unfair? A wig may be a better idea.

    jen – that kind of mobile would be a challenge and well worth the horrifying amount hairdressers charge.

    sarah – not yelling would be a great boon. Unfortunately though those kind of cuts need a lot of maintenance, and that’s just what I can’t provide.

    missy – thanks and welcome. Stars sound like a weekly job to keep up.

  7. guineapigmum says:

    Mobile hair dressers – definitely the way to go if you don’t want the guilt trip. I have a couple of friends who do this for a living and while they might be able to manage a shampoo & set, I’m sure they’d rather do a trendy chop & tint. And they may come round once the kids are in bed.

    And as for myself, I am so looking forward to needing a hairdresser again. One of scissor happy friends came round and cut it short before it all fell out under the chemical cosh. Now it’s growing back and I can use shampoo again (the thrill!) and soon I’ll be able put a comb through it… Now look what you’ve done, you’ve got me all excited at the prospect of getting it cut.

  8. JOANNE says:


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