Beta Mum's Blog Beta Mum on 18 Jun 2007 12:58 pm
Tantrum - the First
One of Hannah’s friends ran into our house the other day, clutching her mouth with a bloody tissue. It was drop off time after ballet class, not normally an activity closely allied to facial injuries.
“Oh dear,” I said, “what happened?”
I thought maybe she’d lost a baby tooth on the way home.
But as I took her into the kitchen to find another tissue, her mother followed close behind, explaining what had happened in the car.
“She had a tantrum,” she explained, “her first.”
What? Her first tantrum? At six years old?
What has the child been doing for the last four years? Falling behind pretty damn seriously, that’s what.
I’ve suffered tantrums for six years now, and that’s just from the kids.
It started with chubby little star-shaped bodies lying prostrate on the floor, with fat, furious legs kicking for England.
Since then we’ve had chairs turned over in fury after a simple “no” to some request for more chocolate or no vegetables today please Mummy.
I’ve had a metal toy lobbed at me with pinpoint accuracy from across the sitting room by a two year old suffering from the traumatic Arrival of New Baby Sister Syndrome.
That one drew blood.
I’ve endured whining, shouting and crying all around Sainsbury’s because I said “no” to some piece of over-priced plastic.
He was loud, he was determined, and yet I still achieved text book tantrum-management, not something I manage on every occasion.
So I felt especially proud when another mother congratulated me on my quiet, repetitive method of continuing to say “no” while ignoring the thrashing and shrieking.
It was nice to get the praise, but he was lucky I didn’t have one of these on me.
In recent years the children have been working hard on more verbal displays of disgust, with tone of voice, attitude and eyeball rolling prompting me to impose (not all at once) telly bans, no pudding, early bath and bedtime.
I can’t imagine where we’ll go to next, as Tracy Beaker has already infiltrated their vocabulary, and playground talk is never far beneath Ben’s more furious under-the-breath mutterings.
“I didn’t say it TO you Mummy,” being his best attempt at an excuse for mouthing “Shut it” in response to any request that’s repeated more than once.
“If you’d just do it the first time I ask…” I say, but the ears are closed and there’s no-one at home.
Perhaps being inured to life with toddler tantrums makes it easier to progress to Attitude as they get older, but imagine how peaceful life would have been for those six calm, tantrum-free years…
… imagine and weep.
on 18 Jun 2007 at 7:33 pm 1.Stay at home dad said …
I fear for that girl’s future. And her future partner…
on 18 Jun 2007 at 8:28 pm 2.Mutterings & Meanderings said …
I can still throw a pretty good un even at 37… I did a chuck of my coat and the grey Mare’s headcollar on the ground yesterday coupled with a bit of stomping!
on 18 Jun 2007 at 10:55 pm 3.Tracey said …
My youngest once hammered her heels into the pavers till she drew blood. And gave herself carpet burn on her nose with a head-down, bum-up tantrum.
It’s a lottery with the tantrumming though.. only my eldest and youngest ever did - my middle child would just bow her head and not answer - which is almost as infuriating as a tantrum sometimes!
I’m in awe of you getting a compliment from another mum over your handling of one though! That’s like winning an oscar!
on 18 Jun 2007 at 11:13 pm 4.lady macleod said …
I’m smiling, but in sympathy and I’m slso wrinkling my brow a bit wondering if Q’s lack of tantrums had anything to do with her ability to lob pin point accurate verbal zinggers as a teenager? The terrible twos came at three just to catch me off guard, but I laughed instead of reacting and she never bothered to work up that much physical demonstration again! Your theory of later payback has merit I believe. Now you tell me!
on 19 Jun 2007 at 1:44 pm 5.clara said …
I thought I was pretty much past the tantrum stage but then my smugness came back and bit me on the bum. Early Friday evening decided to take children to local restaurant for dinner. There was frankly too much hopping up and down from the table for my liking and so I said we were going home without ice-cream. In tandem the 3 and 5 year old let rip. Thankfully I was rescued by a fellow diner who talked the 5 year old into a calm state, while I dealt with the 3 year old. The waitress brought ice cream and we beat a hasty retreat. I haven’t quite plucked up the courage to go back.
on 19 Jun 2007 at 1:57 pm 6.Beta Mum said …
SAHD - she’s a lovely girl, but I wonder what happened to the toddler anger? Is it waiting to explode later?
M&M - I too have done the occasional bit of throwing when things got too much, mainly to avoid actually thumping.
Tracey - yes, the compliment did do something to alleviate the bone-grinding horror of that endless wait in the check-out queue.
Lady - I have yet to witness my children as teenagers, but if I laughed at their furies it made them twenty times worse. I tried.
Clara - my son continued chucking chairs about until he was nearly 6. He’s much calmer now, and uses words more than actions.